Hello again! Time is really flying by; it’s hard to believe you are already two. According to Gerber, you are no longer a toddler, but you are a pre-schooler now. I don’t know where they get their information from, but I was very content with you still being a toddler. So Riley, STOP GETTING BIG! I want my baby back!
Before you were born, I had a vague idea how hard caring for a new baby would be. I knew the first six months or so were really difficult. All the books and websites I read told me this, as well as countless people I knew. One thing no one ever told me was how hard caring for and raising a two-year old would be.
Don’t get me wrong; I love you and love being your Mommy. Please know that.
But, it’s really, really challenging. Draining, mentally and physically. Your physical energy is seemingly endless. For instance, we had over-night guests last night and they slept in your room. Apparently, you are a very light sleeper and were wide awake at 2:00 a.m. until 4:30 a.m. Not only were you awake, I was awake, your Daddy was awake, and our guests were awake. Ok, no big deal, just a couple of hours. We had a very busy day, filled with a parade and a pumpkin patch. I was certain, very certain, you would take a wonderful nap this afternoon, and as a consequence I could take a wonderful nap this afternoon. False. False. False. Riley, you had other plans. You napped for maybe 30 minutes, and have been wide awake since. No amount of coaxing, threatening, or singing could get you to take a nap. I was very frustrated, and mad. How awful is that? Looking back, I should have scooped you up and played with you during those hours I was laying around mad that I couldn’t take a nap. It goes without saying, that a lot of the time, I am not Mother-of-the-Year material.
Sometimes you eat very little for days at a time. That is very frustrating! As your Mother, I instinctively want to nourish your tiny body, and when you don’t eat it makes me crazy! I begin to wonder if something is wrong with you, like maybe food makes your belly hurt, or maybe you have worms (I know, I’m crazy, and this is the mentally draining part I was talking about). I tend to jump to worst-case scenarios in general, and your finicky eating is no exception. Most of the time within a few days you will eat ravenously and more than make-up the lost calories. And believe me, I rest easier at night when you are a good eater.
Regardless of the situation, you usually carry on without a care in the world. I am so proud your Daddy and I can provide you with that. I didn’t have that feeling, and your Daddy certainly didn’t. In any case, I think so far, we have managed to raise you with no major problems. We’ve made big adjustments to our lives, and with you specifically in mind we continue to do so. It’s also fairly apparent that your Daddy and I need to spend time together, alone. This is such a hard task for me! Since I work during the week, I feel like I barely spend any time with you. When the weekend rolls around, you are all I want to think about. Taking that special time away from you brings tears to my eyes even now. I think this is part of me growing as a Mother and a person, and your Daddy and I growing as a couple. You have the best smile in the whole world! I know this particular newsletter seems a little on the negative side, but Riley, I hope you can look past that and understand how much you fill my heart with happiness. I truly try to cherish every minute with you. I not only want to capture and remember the good times we have, but also the more challenging times so we can look back and see how far we have journeyed. Together.
I love you so, so, so much, Riley.